EULOGY

As I live and breath, live and experience, live and learn… the looming thought hung over my head is telling me that everything I do in this world is for something bigger. Who I am is not who I truly am, and while it scares the living hell out of me to not know what all this is, it ignites a spark within myself that makes me want to do MORE. Does It sound crazy to you? Does it sound like the musings of a girl who is learning about who she is, unknowingly venturing into the world that awaits her? Because I don’t care if it sounds crazy. The fact that we’re all fucking alive is crazy. The fact that we exist is crazy. So why the hell are you wasting your time? Why the hell are you letting people are drowning in their own pain try to drown you with them? Why are you crying over a past relationship, why are you obsessing over the future you think you need to have because if you don’t you’re NOTHING?

I know I’m nothing. I also know I’m everything. And before anything else I know that we are all EXACTLY THE SAME, and to let minuscule discrepancies between us and the person next to you does nothing but isolate us. You are made of the same copy of atoms as everyone else, we’re quite literally a cluster of molecules that somehow joined together to make us into a human fucking BEING. But what’s to say we aren’t a cluster of molecules for something bigger as well? What are we all creating TOGETHER?

There’s a looming death in the horizons of someone very close to my heart, and as cynical as it may sound, it doesn’t sadden me that he has to go. It saddens me that I won’t be able to hear his laugh, nor will I be able to feel his cheek pressed against mine. It saddens me that my mother will cry, and that my father will be silent at a loss for words when it happens. But honestly? I’m proud. I am proud of the person he was, and the life he created. He transformed his entire mentality, his entire perspective. In doing that, he changed the world. His world. At the end of the day, isn’t our world the only one that matters? It’s the only one we can truly see…

Hurt is very real. Happiness is very real. There are so many shades to these feelings, that in retrospect, none of these feelings exist whatsoever. Now is all that we have. Beyond this moment, nothing is certain, and before this moment can never be relived. Its gone, but that doesn’t have to be a sad story. It’s just a fact that we must live within.

I’m crying.

I’m crying.

And three years ago, I remember lying on the floor of my room, endless tears flooding every fiber of my being, crying for the pain of those who have nothing. I mean this in the most literal sense. I had witnessed extreme poverty the week before, I saw someone with absolutely NOTHING have the purest eyes, the purest soul, and it pierced me. It broke my perception that as long as I had what I needed, nothing else mattered. I discovered that if that man sleeping on the pier of a beach in nothing but a a sleeping bag had nothing, then I would give up everything I have to take his place in a heartbeat. I would have switched places with him, because nothing is worth anything if I’m only thinking of myself. I’m not working hard for my future anymore— I’m doing this for all of our futures. Rich or poor, I don’t give a DAMN. Take care of yourself. Look beyond what you think you know. I believe a piece of me is in EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET, and I think it’s likewise for everyone else walking on Earth. Be nice to others, because that is being nice to yourself. If you do not care about yourself, then how the hell are you going to expect anyone else to care about you?

Does It Sound crazy to you?